Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Wisdom of Grandfather B.---

Early in the twentieth century a man was traveling home on a crowded train car.
Suddenly he cried out, "I've lost my wallet!"

Other passengers gathered around him and the conductor rushed over to be of assistance. The man was frantic and insisted every passenger be searched.

Before this could take place the passenger in the seat behind held up a wallet and asked if it was the missing one. It had been laying in a crease in the seat visible only from the finder.

The loser was ecstatic offering a reward the finder gallantly refused. He also confided that he had sold some property and had ten thousand dollars in cash in the purse.

As the train pulled into the destination, the man began gathering his things. He made a final check on his wallet only to find it missing again.

Again, he summoned the conductor. The conductor began a thorough search ending with an order that each man in the car be subject to a pat down.

The search appeared to be fruitless only the finder of the previous loss remained.

The loser said not to bother him but the conductor insisted and low and behold in the man's pocket was the missing item.

Dumbfounded the question was-why?

I am a professional pickpocket was the answer. When you lost the wallet I did what any good citizen would do but when I found how fat your wallet was I had to ply my trade.

In old Russia a young man was a backpack peddlar. He walked a route of small villages near the larger place where he lived selling notions and household necessities.

In one village he heard his name being called. It was his neighbor, Shmuel. Abe, Abe, your wife has gone into labor. It is a dificult birth and she is calling for you.

The young fellow spied a peasant on a cartload of wood hauled by a donkey The man revealed that he was going to Abe's village to sell the wood in the market. Abe offered him two rubles to ride on the cart with him.

With the donkey's slow plod, plod, plod Abe became anxious.

Can't you make the donkey go faster?

What can you expect from the animal with this heavy load of wood to pull? Without the load he would trot right along.

How much do you think you will get for the wood when you sell it in the market?

If I sell it all, I should get 25 rubles.

Suppose I give you 25 rubles and we dump the wood right here? Then we could hurry in to town.

Are you crazy? I spent all week in the freezing mountains cutting this wood and you want me to dump it beside the road?

Here are your two rubles back. Get off my cart!

My Dad's favorite-

A man was rushing home for Passover. He had been on the road for days and was exhausted.
He stopped at a roadside inn to get a few hours of sleep.

The host advised him there were no rooms available. The man pleaded. The man had to be home the next evening and was not fit to drive any further.

The host relented. The general has the largest room I have. There are two beds. You quietly slip into the second bed. I will wake you before dawn. You can get a few hours sleep and be on your way. Just be careful not to wake the general.

Sure enough in the early morning the traveler was gently shaken awake.

In the darkness he dressed but in his confusion he grabbed the wrong set of clothes.

A few hours down the road the man stopped for a cup of coffee at a diner.

Looking at the mirror he screamed, "Oh my god, the night clerk woke up the general by mistake and I'll be late for Seder.


Blogger Mike Barer said...

Hey Pop
Time to write again.

1:44 PM  

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